Running From the Truth

I start to think sometimes where will God put me years from now. I think about all my friends and what will become of our friendships. Will I loose the most valuable ones or will they always be there by my side? Will my broken family ever piece back together?  With all the stress  I face with school, divorce, friendships and my extremely LOW self-esteem it's hard to sometimes want to continue on. There are days where I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror because all I see is fat and ugly. My parents, how they never want to talk to each other and my best friend who will go unmentioned that I continually try to build our friendship but it just gets harder and harder. My best friend is one of the most important things in my life right now and I never see or hear from her. It so hard because I care so much for her. I love her to pieces and I would never want to loose her. I don't really think she understands how highly I think of her and how I wish to be with her more often. With all these problems I face I sometimes just ask God if he will take me now and take me away from the stress and depression. Its always a  "NO" and I wonder why all time. 

When I look at all the beautiful things in life like a new born child, friday nights with friends, the beauty of a sunset, and love of a Savior I  then wish to stay alive one more day. Life isn't a bowl of cherries because I'm in the pits. I just wish, that once in life, I could be happy and not have a care in the world. 

I need to stop running from the truth..

Life will never be easy, friendships will never be perfect, my parents will never be together again, and what I look like is never going to change whether I like it or not.

So where do I go from here??